Chapter 3 - More Adults, More Work
By the second morning, the family vacation developed a schedule.
Not a schedule anyone wrote down.
A schedule built entirely around what everyone else wanted to do while assuming I would handle everything underneath it.
At seven fifteen, Colin, Ben and Doug left for golf.
At eight, Janice ordered room-service coffee and sat on the balcony.
At nine, Kendra left for an eighty-minute hot stone massage.
And I stood in the kitchen cutting strawberries while three children demanded different breakfasts.
“I don't want eggs,” Caleb said.
“They're not eggs. They're pancakes.”
“I don't want pancakes.”
“You asked for pancakes.”
“I want cereal.”
“We don't have cereal.”
He frowned.
“My mom gets me cereal.”
I looked toward the closed bedroom door where Kendra had been getting ready for the spa.
“She'll be back later.”
“I want cereal now.”
Owen tugged my shirt.
“Mom, can we swim?”
“After breakfast.”
“Can Caleb come?”
“Yes.”
“Can we go now?”
“After breakfast.”
Lucy began crying from her high chair.
I closed my eyes.
Breathe.
I remembered Colin's promise.
No cooking.
No laundry.
No schedules.
Technically, I hadn't cooked.
I'd just ordered food, portioned it, cut it, cleaned it up and negotiated with a four-year-old about cereal for twenty minutes.
Vacation.
By ten thirty, we were at the pool.
Getting there required packing diapers, wipes, sunscreen, hats, water bottles, goggles, towels, snacks, clean clothes and Lucy's teething ring.
Janice carried nothing.
She walked beside me wearing enormous sunglasses.
“You know, Mallory, you bring too much stuff.”
I stared at the overloaded beach bag on my shoulder.
“Most of it is for the children.”
“You young mothers worry too much.”
Five minutes later she asked whether I had sunscreen because she'd forgotten hers.
I handed it over.
“See?” she said brightly. “That's why it's good to have you around.”
I forced a smile.
At the pool, I applied sunscreen to Owen.
Then Caleb.
Then Lucy.
Caleb ran away halfway through.
I chased him around a lounge chair.
Kendra texted.
Spa running long. Can you keep Caleb until lunch? You're the best ❤️
I read it twice.
Then I looked at Janice.
She was ordering a second mimosa.
At noon, I fed everyone.
At one, Lucy refused to nap.
At one fifteen, Owen and Caleb fought over a pool toy.
At one thirty, Janice announced the sun was too strong and returned upstairs.
At two, Lucy finally fell asleep against my chest.
At two fifteen, Caleb needed the bathroom.
I carried sleeping Lucy into the family restroom while shepherding two boys behind me.
At three, Kendra returned glowing from the spa.
“Oh my God,” she sighed. “That was incredible. You should book one.”
I looked at her.
“With who watching the kids?”
She waved vaguely toward the resort.
“Someone.”
Then she walked toward the pool bar.
Colin returned shortly after four.
He smelled like sunscreen, beer and freshly cut grass.
He dropped himself onto the lounge chair beside me.
“Isn't this paradise, babe?”
Lucy had been screaming for fifteen minutes.
My cover-up was damp.
My shoulders were sunburned because I'd managed to cover everybody except myself.
There was grit in my eyes.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd gone to the bathroom alone.
Colin clinked his beer bottle against the water bottle beside me.
I stared at him.
“I've done four loads of sink laundry.”
His smile faded slightly.
“What?”
“Four.”
“Why?”
“Because Lucy threw up on two outfits. Owen spilled juice on his shorts. Caleb wet his swimsuit because nobody took him to the bathroom while I was changing Lucy.”
Colin lowered his sunglasses.
“Babe.”
“I haven't sat down once.”
“Relax.”
I stared at him.
“You're at a resort,” he continued. “Just turn your brain off.”
Something inside me became very still.
“Turn my brain off.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Sure.”
His smile returned.
He thought he'd solved it.
He leaned back and closed his eyes.
Five minutes later, Owen called from the pool.
“Mom!”
I stood.
That evening, I deliberately decided not to remind anyone what time our dinner reservation was.
I'd heard Colin discussing it.
Seven.
Normally, I would have announced at six fifteen that everyone should shower.
At six thirty I'd tell Owen to get dressed.
At six forty I'd check Lucy's diaper bag.
At six fifty I'd locate the room key.
This time I said nothing.
At six fifty-eight, Doug emerged from the bathroom wearing a robe.
“Aren't we eating tonight?”
Janice looked at me.
“What time was dinner?”
I shrugged.
“I don't know.”
Colin frowned.
“Seven.”
Kendra stared.
“It's seven now.”
“Yes.”
“Why didn't anybody say something?”
I almost laughed.
Colin hurried everyone.
Suddenly people could remember things when I didn't.
We reached the restaurant twenty minutes late.
The seafood terrace overlooked water illuminated by strings of warm lights.
It should have been beautiful.
Instead, I spent most of dinner cutting chicken for Caleb.
Kendra was sitting three seats away.
“I'd do it,” she said, “but Mom's telling me something.”
She turned back toward Janice.
I stared at Caleb's chicken tenders.
Then I cut them.
Lucy bounced on my knee.
Every time I put her down, she cried.
My salmon arrived.
It smelled wonderful.
I hadn't eaten properly all day.
I managed two bites.
Then Doug accidentally knocked over his lemonade.
It flowed across the table toward Lucy's diaper bag.
I grabbed napkins.
Doug barely looked up.
“Whoops.”
I wiped the table.
Nobody else moved.
My salmon cooled.
The butter congealed.
Around me, everyone laughed and talked.
Colin told a story from the golf course.
Ben exaggerated his score.
Janice complained about the resort's pillows.
Kendra described her massage.
And I sat in the middle of them holding a tired baby and cleaning up someone else's drink.
At some point, I stopped feeling angry.
Anger requires energy.
Instead, I felt invisible.
I looked at Colin.
He caught my eye and smiled.
Then he winked.
Like we were sharing this beautiful family moment together.
He had no idea.
No idea I hadn't relaxed for a single second.
No idea I had eaten almost nothing.
No idea our daughter was dangerously overtired.
No idea I was mentally calculating whether I had enough diapers to get through another day.
Because he didn't need to know.
I knew.
I always knew.
Then Janice stood.
She tapped her chardonnay glass with a fork.
The sound rang across the table.
Everyone turned toward her.
“I want to propose a toast.”
Colin smiled.
Janice looked directly at him with shining eyes.
“To my wonderful son.”
My stomach tightened.
“He coordinated the flights, booked this gorgeous suite and brought this whole family together.”
Kendra raised her glass.
Ben grinned.
Janice continued.
“Mallory, you're lucky. Not every woman gets a husband thoughtful enough to give her a vacation like this.”
The entire table applauded.
Doug clapped Colin firmly on the back.
Kendra cheered.
Ben whistled.
Colin leaned back in his chair and accepted the applause with a wide smile.
Then he laughed.
“Hey, what can I say? When my girl needs a break, I deliver.”
Everyone laughed.
Everyone except me.
I looked at Lucy.
Her warm forehead rested against my collarbone.
Then I looked at Owen.
He was rubbing his exhausted eyes.
Then I looked at my untouched salmon.
And finally, I looked at Colin.
Something changed.
Not loudly.
There was no explosion.
No tears.
No dramatic shouting.
Just clarity.
Cold.
Sharp.
Perfect clarity.
I had spent years waiting for someone to notice how much I carried.
They weren't going to.
Not because I hadn't carried enough.
May you like
Because my carrying everything had become so normal that they couldn't imagine it happening any other way.
And suddenly, I knew exactly what I needed to do.
